How to get her to like you for you NOT for your money

How to get her to like you for you NOT for your money

You have probably been told to do fine things for the individuals you need to pull. Maybe you have even been advised to purchase gifts, cook dinners, pay for dates, or perform thoughtful gestures to win the affection of a lover. These were common customs in the "courtship" of earlier generations - and are common tactics among creatures also.

But, simply as of giving the approach is not unusual, doesn't mean it's always the top. We all have heard stories of extensive favors and gifts resulting in unrequited love. Stories of women who bestowed every matter and nicety, only to be left by an ungrateful partner. Or, stores of men who funded expensive and exciting dates, simply to be told "let us just be friends" (LJBF) when they tried to escalate the romance. On the other hand, "takers" such as self-centered bad boys and demanding divas occasionally seem to have an endless parade of adoring lovers.

Thus, what is the deal with taking and giving?

Research on Receiving and Giving

According to research, offering surely has an effect, ON THE GIVER. Those who care, give, or help within an unsolicited way feel more positive, living, and have higher self-esteem (Weinstein & Ryan, 2010). The giver also feels more consecrated to the receiver of the offering (Horan & Booth-Butterfield, 2010). This may be partially because of the phenomenon of "sunk costs", which results in "a larger inclination to dedicate to an endeavor after an earlier investment of time, money, or attempt" (Coleman, 2009). Essentially, we value something we've invested in it or worked to get it more when.

The consequences of giving on the receiver, however, are much more mixed. On one hand, receiving a gift can create feelings of gratitude in romantic partners, raising their liking and attraction towards the giver, and enhancing compliance with later requests (Hendrickson & Goei, 2009). On the other hand, receiving a present might also generate negative feelings of duty rather than lead to reciprocity (Goei & Boster, 2005). All in all, the effects of receiving a gift (taking) are complicated and varied.

What This Implies For Your Own Love Life

When it's "better to give or receive" depends on who you're trying to influence. On the flip side, in case you would like THEM to feel committed, associated and good for you, you then might be better off taking from them.

This may be counter-intuitive, but it stands to reason. Someone who gives to you has invested, committed, and allocated resources to you personally as a recipient of the offering. They have incurred "sunk costs".

So, how do you put this into practice?

1) Say yes to gifts and party favors - Many people favors and refuse presents, while they simultaneously toil away to impress their partner. They expect their selflessness (all giving, no taking) will lead to gratitude, attraction, and love. Instead, they occasionally find their partners - invested and uncommitted. Don't be a martyr. Let your date or partner give to you, do for you, and invest in the relationship also. As they do more for you, you'll become more attached and find that they value you more.

2) Give afterward take - When you do a favor, don't be afraid to ask a favor in return. Get everything you need too. Your giving generates gratitude and reciprocity but only when the party favors is allowed to be repaid. Otherwise, it can fester into negativity and duty. No one desires to "owe" someone else. So, when you do something fine, allow your partner to reciprocate. This can let the partner "pay off the debt", feel good about him/her, and increase devotion to the relationship also.

3) Give when you get - This shows your gratitude and appreciation. In addition, it increases their satisfaction with the relationship and makes future giving, sharing, and caring less unlikely.

In case your aim will be to attract and keep a partner, in some cases it might be better to "take" than "give". Enable them to invest a little, work to earn you, and be committed in the procedure.

One closing stipulation though - this is not a permit to be self-centered or stingy (those will destroy a date too). Rather, it's a reminder to keep a bit of exchange that is equivalent and let the process is invested in by your date also. Ultimately, it's ok to give others the present of feeling good (by letting them give to you). All things considered, you're worth the investment also.